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smart went crazy

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[29 Jan 2006|01:20pm]
deleting this for good tomorrow. last chance to add sunkist___ plz do it kthx.

<3
breathe

[26 Jan 2006|05:21pm]
new journal; sunkist___
1 forgot to breathe

[16 Jan 2006|10:29am]
i'm deleting this. payce.
2 forgot to breathe

[24 Oct 2005|06:20pm]
my grandmother likes to call at 2:30 or 3am every morning, thinking it is 6am. i love it.♥
3 forgot to breathe

does this sound like me? plzkthx. [12 Oct 2005|07:10pm]
from: http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp


You entered: Stephania Ourania Gemmellaro

There are 26 letters in your name.
Those 26 letters total to 120
There are 13 vowels and 13 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 3

The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.

The expression or destiny for #3:
An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.

The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1

A Soul Urge number of 1 means:
Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.
4 forgot to breathe

[27 Sep 2005|08:22pm]
every time that i leave her house and wave goodbye, i get this feeling as if it is the last time i'm ever going to see her. i don't know how much more of this i can take, but i don't want it to be over. it's never going to be over because a part of me will be missing when she is.
breathe

[28 Aug 2005|04:10pm]


summer's almost over. i'm sad, yet somewhat relieved. i can't complain, though. this was probably the best one i've ever had.

my summer, picture styleeCollapse )
15 forgot to breathe

[16 Aug 2005|08:16am]
today is 8/16.
5 forgot to breathe

probably not going to update this much anymore unless i have good reason or pictures. [11 Jul 2005|06:10pm]
[ mood | only thing that matters ]

things are going so great that i've been practically waiting for something [or everything] to go completely wrong. i'm so used to having nothing that now that i have something, i'm just waiting for it to be taken away. as i was thinking about this, i realized how completely retarded i am. i have something absolutely amazing, something that i'd die if i lost, something that nobody can take away from me because it's intangible. and i wouldn't let anyone take it away regardless.

fuck you if you're not going to be glad that i'm happy. fuck you if you're going to hold a grudge against me. and fuck you if you want to take away my happiness. the summer is fucking mine and i'm taking every advantage possible. i'm happy and not a single one of you motherfuckers is going to take that away from me.

PAYCE!

4 forgot to breathe

[09 Jul 2005|11:39am]
so my cousin's grad party is tomorrow and my aunt rented a spit. needless to say, there's pretty much a whole lamb in our refridgerator and my family is totally not greek at all if you haven't noticed.

edit:
Submit N0 Excuse (11:42:21 AM): i have real lambs in my backyard.
Submit N0 Excuse (11:42:30 AM): and they are offended.
breathe

[21 Jun 2005|11:25am]
some pictures from yesterdayCollapse )
22 forgot to breathe

[19 Jun 2005|04:59pm]
sometimes i wish i could rewind back to my childhood. other times i'd love to fast forward to the future when i don't have to deal with petty crap like this.

i have absolutely no idea how this summer is going to turn out. it'll either be good or bad. there's really no in between.
breathe

the world is asleep and i have no apologies. [07 Jun 2005|03:32pm]
to whoever messed with the colors on my livejournal, you're real mature. =)

in other news, my grandmother went for a huge test today, the one that will tell us whether or not her cancer metastisized. i'm actually really scared to find out the results. when i got home from school today my mom asked me what i want to do with the house in case anything happens to my grandmother. i'm sixteen, i have no business making a decision on what to do with a house that i'm part owner of. what the fuckkkkk. oh well i guess. life deals you some sucky cards sometimes.

if i could have any expression on my face right now, it would probably be the one from my user icon. too bad i don't have that sexy hair clip anymore.

ps; eyedea&abilities just amaze me. but i can't listen to 'here for you' anymore because someone's an asshole.♥
3 forgot to breathe

[30 May 2005|03:35pm]
i hate hospitals.

we visited her at lowell general today. it's not like i've never seen her in the hospital, but reality really set in today. she's definitely getting worse. i've never seen her like this. i had to be strong. i had to be strong for her and not cry.

this is one of the worst things anyone could go through.
breathe

and maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me. [25 May 2005|05:03pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

i did a lot of thinking last night before i went to bed.

i was in the hospital when i was four years old and i remember almost every moment spent in there. the most vivid memory i have of that time is one that isn't sad or something that makes your heart break. it makes me smile. it was a few days after i had been admitted. a lot of people came to see me. but most importantly, he came with his family. i can picture it perfectly in my mind. we were so young, but it meant so much. he had picked out a stuffed animal dog to give to me. once he had given it to me i slept with it every night until we moved out of the old house. it was packed away in a box that's now sitting in the attic and has been since we moved here. i don't know exactly where it is but i missed it a lot then and i still do now. yesterday on the phone we were talking about it and i think he has his own, the same one. i couldn't fall asleep last night so i went up to the attic to look for it. after about an hour i found it. needless to say, i slept soundly last night. i saw him this morning and saw in his eyes that little boy that gave me the stuffed dog when i was sick in the hospital. the one who would always come over and play with me. the one who would always end up falling down when he tried to help me up after i had fallen. the one who would hug me like the world was ending, the way little kids hug their parents.

it's those simple things from your past that you remember. the ones that make you smile. the ones that dry your tears when you're having a bad day.

i love you.

9 forgot to breathe

you can't be me, i'm a rockstar. [23 May 2005|04:25pm]
"You don't have the guts to be what you want to be. You need people like me so you can point your fucking fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So, what's that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie."
breathe

i've been reading The Body by Stephen King again lately... [18 May 2005|05:05pm]
He must have seen something in my face because he asked if I was all right. I only shook my head, wanting to tell him not to apologize, wanting to say,

"The only reason anyone writes stories is so they can understand the past and get ready for some future mortality; that's why all the verbs in the stories have -ed endings, even the ones that sell millions of paperbacks."

What I did tell him was, "I was thinking of something else, that's all." The most important things are the hardest things to say.
breathe

[16 May 2005|08:12pm]
i've been signed on one of my screen names for twenty days straight. i almost have a life.
9 forgot to breathe

i am the biggest nerd ever. [08 May 2005|02:09pm]
List of the top 85 banned books (of all time).
Bold the ones you've read.
Italicize the ones you've read part of.
Underline the ones you specifically want to read.


#1 The Bible
#2 Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

#3 Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
#4 The Koran
#5 Arabian Nights
#6 Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
#7 Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift

#8 Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
#9 Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
#10 Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
#11 The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli
#12 Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
#13 Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
#14 Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
#15 Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
#16 Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
#17 Dracula by Bram Stoker
#18 Autobiography by Benjamin Franklin
#19 Tom Jones by Henry Fielding
#20 Essays by Michel de Montaigne
#21 Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
#22 History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon
#23 Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
#24 Origin of Species by Charles Darwin
#25 Ulysses by James Joyce
#26 Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
#27 Animal Farm by George Orwell
#28 Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
#29 Candide by Voltaire
#30 To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
#31 Analects by Confucius
#32 Dubliners by James Joyce
#33 Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
#34 Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
#35 Red and the Black by Stendhal
#36 Das Capital by Karl Marx
#37 Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire
#38 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
#39 Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence
#40 Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
#41 Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser
#42 Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
#43 Jungle by Upton Sinclair
#44 All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
#45 Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx
#46 Lord of the Flies by William Golding
#47 Diary by Samuel Pepys
#48 Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
#49 Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
#50 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
#51 Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak

#52 Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant
#53 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
#54 Praise of Folly by Desiderius Erasmus
#55 Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
#56 Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X
#57 Color Purple by Alice Walker
#59 Essay Concerning Human Understanding by John Locke
#60 Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
#61 Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe
#62 One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
#63 East of Eden by John Steinbeck
#64 Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
#65 I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

#66 Confessions by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#67 Gargantua and Pantagruel by Francois Rabelais
#68 Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes
#69 The Talmud
#70 Social Contract by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#71 Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
#72 Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence
#73 American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
#74 Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler
#75 Separate Peace by John Knowles
#76 Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
#77 Red Pony by John Steinbeck
#78 Popol Vuh
#79 Affluent Society by John Kenneth Galbraith
#80 Satyricon by Petronius
#81 James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
#82 Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
#83 Black Boy by Richard Wright
#84 Spirit of the Laws by Charles de Secondat Baron de Montesquieu
#85 Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut
2 forgot to breathe

in this journey;; you're the journal, i'm the journalist. am i eternal, or an eternalist? [07 May 2005|04:30pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i want to lay on the grass.
i want to feel the sun on my back.
i want to watch the stars.
i want to lay by the pool with him.
i want to walk along the beach.
i want to watch the sun rise.
i want to watch the sun set.
i want to see ashley.
i want to live life to the fullest.
i want to spend more time with my grandmother.
i want to learn more greek.
i want to learn more italian.
i want to leave my insecurities behind.
i want to lead a fulfilling life.
i want to have meaning in my life.
i want to make them proud.
i want to have a happy family.
&&i want life to be more simplistic.

there are so many things we want in life, some that we will never have, goals that we will never achieve. i may be an idealist; i may be a dreamer. i may be an existentialist. but i want the same thing in life as everyone else;;; i want to be happy. so why is that goal something either unable to be achieved or only temporarily attainable?

breathe

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